Dear Santa: Letters & Stories

Dear Santa,

You know how when I was young, I wanted to be a nurse, then a ballet dancer and ultimately a teacher, an art teacher?

Never an astronaut!

And yet here I am, an adult, in a prone position seemingly being launched into outer space... with the interior walls vibrating and shaking with loud booms! and thumps! right before takeoff.

No, I'm not in Florida, at Cape Canaveral, or in some simulator.

I'm in bed asleep, was asleep, when I was abruptly awakened by the new neighbors upstairs: a grandmother, young mother and her three very young children who scream and cry frequently and from the sounds of things rise early and go to bed late, and when awake, love to: run, stomp, jump off furniture, bang on sliding closet doors, and run into walls!

And so this "rocket", which used to be my bedroom of solace, has now become a daily launch pad for unscheduled missions anytime between the hours of 6,5,4,3,2,1 AM... blast off!!!

No doubt these children and their caregivers are inconsiderate and naughty.

But I'm trying to be nice. So please do visit their apartment and leave them presents other than coal.

And for me?

Kris, I guess what I'm hoping for is nothing short of a miracle.

The gifts of...

"Peace & Quiet".

And should that prove too intangible... please fill our stockings (mine and my husband's) with Mack's Silicone Earplugs and a set of Pro For Sho Maximum Hearing Protection Safety Ear Muffs.

Best to Mrs. Claus, Rudolph and the gang, along with your Elves!

XOX... Dyan

P.S. You'll find your favorite freshly-baked Trader Joe's Double Chocolate Chip Cookies in their usual place... on the kitchen counter next to the stove. Enjoy!

Here are a few found images of letters written by children to Santa Claus.

In this last image found on Bored Panda a parent writes: "This is my 4-year-old's letter to Santa. I think she's on her way to becoming a doctor."  

Here are a few stories from Reader's Digest updated on Nov. 30, 2021 and titled: "24 Stories About Meeting Santa That Will Fill You With The Christmas Spirit."

My sister-in-law had driven her five-year-old son Josh to the mall with the purpose of visiting Santa and telling him what he wanted for Christmas. After parking the car, they got as far as the entrance when Josh stopped, threw out his hands to block their path, and announced, "Wait! I forgot the toy catalog!" ~ Laurel Holt, Murfreesboro, Tennessee

Funds were tight for my friend Jo and her husband. But Tinker, Jo's five-year-old, was convinced that since he'd been good all year, Santa would bring him a bike. And not just any bike, but a rare yellow one. "Don't worry, Mom," he said. "He'll bring it." Jo's sister and her five-year-old son lived with Jo, and as it happened that little boy was getting a red bike. On Christmas Eve, I told my mother the story of Tinker and the yellow bike. "You can't let that happen!" she said. "That little boy won't understand why Santa brought his cousin a new bike and not him!" Mom handed me a pile of bills. "Take this, and get him that bike." By now it was late, and most stores were closed. I called the only place I knew that sold bikes. A man answered. I asked if he had any boys' bikes left. "Only one," he said. Then he added apologetically, "But it's yellow." ~ Carole Martinez, New Orleans, Louisiana.

Last year, when our three-year-old great granddaughter Kylie was taken to see Santa Claus, she made sure to give him her wish list of toys. A week later, she ran into a different Santa in the mall. He stopped to ask what she wanted for Christmas. Kylie was appalled and let him know: "If you can't remember what I told you last week, how are you going to remember on Christmas Eve?!" ~ Mary Paul, Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

A friend asked me to dress as Santa to surprise her son. I went over to their house, changed into a Santa suit in the bathroom, and, to the delight of the little boy, came out with a loud "Ho, ho, ho!" After a half hour, I returned to the bathroom, changed back into my regular clothes, and exited the bathroom. The boy went in after me. He looked around for Santa. Then, reaching the only possible conclusion, he lifted the toilet seat and shouted, "Bye, Santa!" ~ Kevin Cuddihy, Fairfax, Virginia.

Happy Holidays

and

Best Wishes for

"Peace On Earth (especially in my apartment)

& Goodwill to All!"

XOX... Dyan

@ Here and Next

End of Summer: Cats & Toys

Source: K Bell Hair Studio & Spa

Two Saturdays ago, around noon, the temperature reached 82º.  Three hours later the winds blew, trees swayed, the leaves quickly fell, leaving many branches bare, and the temperature suddenly dropped some 16 degrees. A front came through, and just like that... the "Dog Days" of summer were gone. RUFF!

"Rough"... are the summers in Philadelphia and the burbs: with its unrelenting days and nights of oppressively hot and humid weather, with air conditioning and its constant irritating hum being the only respite, making the unbearable somewhat less unbearable.

But is summer really as long as it feels?

According to an article on NPR: "Not All Seasons Are Created Equal," Professor Jay Pasachoff of Williams College, made this precise calculation:

Spring lasts 92 days, 19 hours

Summer 93 days, 15 hours

Autumn 89 days, 20 hours

Winter 89 days, zero hours

While it might be hard to convince those of us on the east coast, who deal with frequent Nor'easters and marathon events regarding snow removal, that winter is short, the shortest of seasons, I have no doubt believing that summer is long, painfully, l-o-n-g!

Which is why now, I can say with GREAT pleasure...

"Good Bye 'Dog' Days of Summer!"

"Hello Autumn days with 'Cats'!"

Cats??? I know it's a leap, and I'm not even a pet lover... unless... the animals happen to be "toys"... and then I'm over the moon!

Source: Altered from Wayfair

I love, love, love, cute plastic toys of all types, which occasionally include animals like the toy cats I ordered from a company called "Strange Cat Toys," based out of Tampa, Florida, run by Cory & Evette, a husband and wife team.

The name "Strange Cat Toys" may be a bit ambiguous in that the toys being sold are not for cats but for humans, with most adults choosing to display them rather than play with them.

The images below are from "Strange Cat Toys" with this one showing a small sample of inventory:

Here's a corrugated shipping box full of boxed toys. Many of these designer toys are sold in blind boxes... blind in that you don't know which toy out of a series you are getting. All the more fun!

Here are 3 boxes I received from the "Paper Bag Cat" series.

These cats toys look rather abstract and appear to be folded like origami.

The second set of 3 cats that I ordered are a bit more realistic and are made by a company called Kong Zoo. And yes, they come with removable eyeglasses.

This image shows all the cats available in the series.

So cute. So colorful. What joy!

And for all you cat lovers out there who prefer real cats to toys, I'll leave you with these black and white images by Italian catographer, Sabrina Boem, who began photographing cats after adopting two of her own, Sissi & Ricky.

This series called "Window Cats" came about after noticing how much time cats spend looking through windows at home or napping on sills.

End of summer, cats, or toys... any interesting tales you'd like to tell?

..........................................................................................................

Next... Here are a few links you might find interesting:

Watch this Japanese larger-than-life realistic 3D cat here.

Cat Mania in Japan here.

Cats wearing glasses here.

Giant cats and Brutalist Architecture here.

Watch the trailer for the new movie: "The Electrical Life of Louis Wain" about a real-life artist who painted cats here.

Vacationing woman thinks cats miss her. Read the story here.

NPR's article: "Not All seasons Are Created Equal" here.

Check out Strange Cat Toys' website here.

Happy Halloween!

From the Gang at Here and Next!

And a shout-out to friends and their felines... Lisa and her domestic pair, Sadie & Mill, Barbara and her sweet Henry, and to Rob & Bev and their amazing efforts in caring for their neighborhood's stray (feral) cats.

MEOW! MEOW!

XOX... Dyan

Shopped & Overheard

My groceries were paid for, bagged, and in my cart, as I headed for the exit.

Standing in front of me, but at a distance, were two thirty-something masked men, not masked as thieves, but as a precaution against Covid. One male was the store manager and the other, one of my favorite Whole Foods' cashiers: favorite in that he's pleasant, efficient, and knows not to put my half-gallons of milk on top of my Heirloom tomatoes.

Anyway, the men stood side by side, arms crossed, facing into the store. There was no animation between them: no laughter, head-bobs, fist bumps or high-fives... just two co-workers in the midst of some serious discussion. Perhaps they were commenting on the crowd, the long lines, and the need to open more registers, or maybe, working conditions: break times and wages.

When I overheard the cashier, in mid-sentence, say to the manager...

"She winked at me."

Cryptic sweet nothings, out of left field, that left me with a strong desire to know more.

Then two weeks later, while back at Whole Foods in the check-out line with my favorite cashier and my groceries ready for scanning, I worked up the nerve to ask about the "winking woman" when he asked me, "How is your day?"

Caught off guard, I spontaneously spewed out... "Better than yesterday, when we were held hostage by our apartment complex's garage door that refused to open, locking us inside all day."

Clearly, an issue that wasn't yet out of my system.

And then I wondered who nearby might have caught just the snippet, "We were held hostage," as they exited the store, wishing they too, could have overheard more.

Well, to my surprise there's a whole Facebook page on conversations overheard at Whole Foods.

Here are a few of my favs:

Overheard at Whole Foods

Woman in front of me in line:

"Um, I need to read the numbers on the barcode aloud to you. I don't want any lasers touching my food."

Cashier: "Ma'am, this food has been touched by lasers and all sorts of things before it even got to our store."

Woman: "4785..."

Overheard at Whole Foods

Lady: "Do you guys carry long pumpkin?"

Me: "I'm not sure what that is?"

Lady (in a fit of rage): "UGH, sometimes they are called zucchini!"

Me: "Oh you mean zucchini?!"

(Overheard by Matt, employee of WF)

Overheard at Whole Foods

Man: "Hi, I'm looking for Satan."

WF Employee: "You're looking for the devil?"

Man: "Um, it's vegan?"

WF Employee: "Ah, seitan. Next aisle in the fridge."

(@realoverheardla)

Overheard at Whole Foods

"I heard that some mushrooms are poisonous.

Is your creamy mushroom soup made with those ones, or the other kind?"

Overheard at Whole Foods

Tween Girl: "Mom can I have this?"

Mom: "Is it vegan, gluten free, AND fair trade?"

Tween: "I don't think it needs to be..."

Mom: "You KNOW the rule! ALL THREE OR IT DOESN'T COME INTO OUR HOUSE!"

Tween: "Mom... it's a hairbrush..."

Mom: "I DON'T CARE! VEGAN, GLUTEN FREE, FAIR TRADE! SAY IT!"

Tween: "UGH. You're such a...FIRST WORLD PROBLEM!"

(Overheard by Christin Joy)

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Next... Here are a few links you might find interesting:

Amusing interactions between management and a deli employee here.

A monumental grocery list here.

An exhibition of ceramic grocery lists here.

And... only in Vegas here.

Until we meet again

at "Here and Next"...

XOX... Dyan

Shopped & Observed

I was in Mom's Organic Market when I noticed an unattended shopping basket sitting on the floor between the snack and dairy aisles. The basket was pretty generic: the plastic kind with those fold-in, fold-up handles usually found at the entrance of most food stores.

Anyway, in this basket, unattended and sitting on the floor, were three large and heavy glass bottles of fruit juice precariously stacked on top of an already rather large load of grocery items.

My first thought was... that some store clerk somewhere, was in the process of restocking the items and was either called away, became distracted, or forgot the items were there.

My second thought was... that at any moment, some large guy with huge biceps wearing a WWE Championship belt would round the bend and masterfully pick up his basket and make a signature move towards the register.

Nope.

Instead, this tall, slender woman from out of nowhere... bent over, grabbed the handles of the basket, paused... as if mentally questioning for a minute if she could actually pull this off... AND... in one single motion lifted the hefty overflowing basket and carried it away. Away where? I can only assume to either cram in a few more items or to pay and be on her merry way.

Honestly, I don't know if she was merry or not, it's just a saying.

But what I can say with certainty from personal experience and by observing others: those dragging baskets too heavy to lift and those juggling more items than their bare arms can carry...

ALWAYS... go for the cart!

Source: fineartamerica.com (1960's)

Unless you're worried that there's so much room in your almost empty shopping cart that your single, half-gallon of milk might get lonely. I know, you only came in for one thing.

 

But puh-lease... before you know it, your milk will have plenty of company.

Source: Shutterstock

Here are a few more images of a time before UPC barcodes and scanners, Apple Pay, Instacart and self-checkout stations.

Here are people who chose baskets.

Source: flickr.com

Source: goodhousekeeping.com

Here are people who chose carts.

Source: Getty / Camerique

Source: Boredpanda.com (1950)

And here are the people ready to check them out.

Source: boredpanda.com (1962)

Source: Life Magazine Photographer: Allan Grant (1962)

Next... If interested... check out these amusing "Supermarket Fails" here. 

Until we meet again

at "Here and Next"...

XOX... Dyan

A Scream & A Story

Source: istockphoto (Altered)

There was a s-c-r-e-a-m!

No, it wasn't a dream, but yes, I had been sleeping.

Casting it aside as mere everyday drama: an early morning petty disagreement between two people in public, I rolled over and attempted to fall back asleep.

But the screams were now G-u-t-t-u-r-a-l and WAILING!!!

Clearly, they were the cries of some aggrieved female, possibly being assaulted!!!

Alarmed, I leapt out of bed and headed towards the phone to dial 911 while peering out my bedroom window for a crime in progress.

Nothing! I saw no one! My eyes darted across the expanse of parking lot behind our complex... still nothing!

Then, there to my right, in our small patch of a dog park, I spotted a young woman crouched on the ground surrounded by two small canines.

No one else was present... just this woman, her dogs and upon further scrutiny... someone on the other end... of her cell phone!!!

What the???

Whatever was going on, the hysteria continued for quite some time, until she and her pooches were... poof!... gone. Leaving me here: in my apartment, fully awake, somewhat distraught, and like you, clueless as to what the hell just happened.

Sorry. Sorry, to leave you hanging like some french film: full of intrigue but without an ending, because I know, as Americans, we prefer our stories neatly wrapped up like our burgers with french fries to go.

Source: GW University

So, while we'll never know the story behind the scream and wailing: if they were expressions of rage, grief, agony, over something major like a death, a divorce, an unforeseen disaster or something minor, like an overblown reaction to someone forgetting to pick up a half-gallon of ice cream... perhaps we can pretend to know, in order to tie up loose ends.

Me? I'm going with a "Break-up" but one with a happy ending.

I'm imagining the "Screamer's" fiancé on the other end of the phone conversation. You know, the usual... he found someone else and the wedding is off! And after some heavy-duty wailing, off she goes... back to the apartment to shred all his stuff.

But first... she decides to rummage through his coat and pant pockets for clues of infidelity when she discovers several crumpled, lottery tickets and immediately thinks... "LOSER!" but curious, she checks the numbers online and discovers one of the tickets is a "WINNER!"

New clothes? New car? New condo?

Hell yeah! A whole new life!... She's a Millionaire!!!

Or...

Same break-up, same story, but before shredding all her ex-fiancé's stuff, she and her furry companions head off to Starbucks for a dose of consoling sweet treats.

Source: Starbucks.com

There she orders:

A Venti Double Chocolaty Chip Creme Frappuccino

An Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese

And a Double Chocolate Chunk Brownie to go

But while waiting for her 1300+ calorie order to be filled, one of her dogs gets tangled around the ankle of a guy standing in line behind her... a guy who just happens to be tall, dark, and so very handsome. But she notices none of this because she's so intent on untangling the leash wrapped around this man's leg.

When suddenly, their eyes meet.

And as they say in cliché-land

"It was love at first sight."

Enough sentimental sugar... I'm counting on you to come up with something better. You won't have to try hard, anything will be less corny and predictable than the two scenarios presented. Perhaps you're into thrillers: spies and fast cars, or rom-coms: involving magic and potions, or something Sci-Fi: centered on time travel and parallel lives.

Lift my spirits. Surprise me!

Pronounced: say-la-VEE'

French phase meaning: 'That's life'

XOX... Dyan

Time & Time Again

Source: Jane Doe Asylum

Eye'm back... though I don't recall ever leaving. 

I've been sort of... stationary, like a planet having no apparent motion in longitude, while the words, "You're only as good as your last story," once said by journalist Helen Thomas, spin in my head.

"Only as good as your last story."

I sure hope not. My last post: A Mess Done and Dusted, was a disaster, about a disastrous move that left me hollow, and worse, it was written almost three years ago!

I know, I know... excuses, excuses. Well here's another one... the Pandemic.

Like most, I was Here, at home. And, as you well know, because of the shutdown, there weren't any Next(s)... the next place to dine, the next get-together, the next bit of travel. And it was that same-old, same-old, day in, and day out, that left me without much to say, except... "It's been a lost year plus two months, and still counting."

That, and time flies.

End of excuses.

So, what exactly did I do with my time in quarantine, besides: grocery shop, eat, sleep, read, research and play games on my computer, view movies, and binge-watch?

Well, since we were all in this together, for once, I refused to beat myself up over my total lack of motivation, and instead, treated this prolonged confinement and concentration of time as one extremely long Planetary Retrograde.

Source: Moonboard

Specifically, a Mercury retrograde, which in Astrology, refers to a time when Mercury appears to be moving backwards in the sky, an illusion that happens about three to four times a year for a period of three weeks. And during this time, things having to do with communication, transportation and technology seem to go haywire: computers crash, flights are delayed, contracts are misconstrued etc.

It's a time best for reviewing, reorganizing, revisiting unfinished business and projects, rather than starting anew.

Source: Abstract Clock Wallpaper

And so, I Reviewed: Cosmetics.

No, I'm not an influencer. But I do use facial cleansers and moisturizers, just none that I like. So, I've been on my computer reading tons of reviews and researching tons of products, spending so much time online that the ONLY ads that now pop-up... on EVERY site I visit... have to do with skin care!

And like an idiot, I click on every one of them!

And because there may be more beauty products out there than people on this planet, I may be reviewing this subject long after the Pandemic is over.

Source: istockphoto

Then I Revisited: Periodicals.

About 2 years ago, I purchased a huge stack of Art in America magazines for 25 cents apiece from a local library and haven't looked at or touched them since, until now. I've since: read the articles, researched the contemporary artists whose work interested me, and then cut the lovely glossy pages filled with great color into assorted shapes to be rearranged into various compositions to be photographed, or collaged, or both.

The fact that a gazillion of these cut-out shapes still sit on a shelf, still not photographed or collaged, says they're perhaps waiting for some future Mercury retrograde to take place.

Source: Wallpaper Cave

And I Reorganized: Photographs.

This was a tough one. Everything I've ever read about downsizing and what to keep, toss, or donate says, "Save the sentimental stuff for last; it's the hardest to part with." Plus... perusing old photographs makes me sad... so many lives, so few loved ones still living.

But since there might not be a better time, I located and opened the large box of photos that had been kept closed for over 6 years. The old photographs, no longer contained in albums, were a mishmash collection I inherited from my mother and grandmother, a collection in need of major organization. 

After months of sorting, some of the sadness turned into amusement, when I noticed just how many images involved cake!

The celebratory events may have differed, so too the hair styles and clothing, but cake remained constant. There were photos and photos of people: blowing out candles on a cake, cutting cake, handing out cake, and eating cake... cake! cake! cake!

Happy to say... all photos have now been sorted. All that's left to do is choose the ones I wish to keep and which to pass on to my remaining relatives. To be continued... I imagine, when Mercury again starts spinning backwards.

Enough of my life in quarantine. What have you been up to?

Interestingly, back in March of this year, I read an article published in The New York Times titled: 7 Questions 75 Artists 1 Very Bad Year... where 75 artists shared their experiences while quarantined.

Here are 9 of my favorites:

Source: You Are Just A Number

Perfume Genius the musician Mike Hadreas

In the beginning, I was writing a lot. It was all kind of fragments, but it felt like it was starting a new project, and then it just kind of died. I thought: What if I started drawing again, or doing things that were just creative practices for me? But I'd rather just, like, have a snack, you know?

Sean Scully artist

Lately, I have fallen in love with yellow. At the moment, I seem to be using it in every painting. I'm not sure I understand why, though maybe it offers a kind of protection against the cold, or against the sorrows of Covid. One on my new paintings is called "Yellow Yellow." Another is called "Wall Orange" and has blurs of yellow and orange seeping into each other. Yellow is complicated.

Karen Russell novelist

I made a googly-eyed owl out of toilet paper rolls. It was supposed to be a collaboration with my 4-year-old son, but we had artistic differences and he left to be a Ninja Turtle. My baby daughter pulled the wings off, and now the owl looks the way we all feel. We've got our fingers crossed for the Whitney Biennial.

Lexie Smith artist and breadmaker

I killed my goldfish. His name was Feldspar. It's really a metaphorical reckoning for me: In the beginning of quarantine I took aquatic plants from a friend, along with some teeny tiny snails that lived in the water with them, and put it all in my goldfish's tank in an effort to cheer up his living environment. Soon the plants were monstrous and the snails were enormous and plentiful, and my goldfish could no longer swim. Eventually I decided the only ethical choice was to deliver him to his end. Why did I do this to him? He never asked for anything. The whole thing made me question my ability to visualize a better future or nurture anything.

Katori Hall playwright and screenwriter

Ordering a couch during the pandemic. It took four months to arrive, and I had never sat on it, but once I did, it was so uncomfortable, so I had to send it back. Then I ordered another one and had to wait another three months.

Source: Clock Forward

Mike Birbiglia comedian

We took my 5-year-old daughter Oona snow tubing. One time, Oona and I went down the hill together and the snow tube just kept going and going and going, and I realized we were about to slide into this little pond, which is not the best place to bring your snow tube. So my brain went into panic mode, and I pushed my hand against the ground until we stopped moving. Anyway, I saved our lives and until now I'm the only person who knows that. Oona just knows that we were going fast and it was really fun. Which is sort of a metaphor for the entire pandemic with kids - you only tell them what they need to know.

Karen Russell novelist

Thinking I could watch a 1-year-old and a 3-year-old while also participating on Zoom calls with students; I have a bleary memory of watching our baby feeding bread to the houseplants while her brother stood on the kitchen table, feral and naked, and thinking to myself, well, at least I can angle the camera.

Hayley Williams musician

I still don't know how to estimate what the practical amount of groceries for my household should look like. They don't teach you that on tour. Every night in my kitchen is like an episode of "Chopped."

Makaya McCraven musician

I don't know if I'll ever forget washing a bag of Doritos in my sink with Clorox.

The last two, by Hayley and Makaya are so familiar. Michael and I are still grocery shopping two weeks' worth at a time to reduce our Covid exposure. And before items are put into our freezer / refrigerator, everything (except produce) gets wiped down with alcohol.

And once the groceries are jammed into the fridge, we can no longer find anything. Every time we pull something out, it's a surprise! "Oh, look what I found: a container of orange cranberry chicken salad!" And then the disappointment... when we discover it's past its "use by date."

Source: Robin de Blanche

Time to publish this baby... if I can remember how.

Three years is a long time, even when time flies.

Source: Megan Smith

And for a brief flight back in time (1966)

listen to

"Time Has Come Today"

by Willie & Joe, The Chambers Brothers

here.

XOX... Dyan