Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Birds: Feathers & 'Tales'

Source: Houston Chronicle

Brawny Bird

"Hey 'Brawny Bird', don't you know it's 5 AM and people are sleeping... were sleeping but not anymore?"

We're up now and pissed, but apparently not as pissed as you.

"What gives with all the bodily banging and thrusting against our bedroom windows... morning, after morning, after morning?"

"I'm no bird whisperer, but I assume you're the alpha male, or trying to become one, that your hormones are poppin' and you want all the 'chicks' to yourself... and heaven help the bird that gets in your way!"

"But your thinking is totally off if you believe another bird is honing in on your territory. Surely you have some self-awareness and can see that it's your own damn reflection you keep trying to obliterate." But obviously not.

"So that's it... we humans, the chosen ones, are living in the dawn of hell because you happen to be all muscle and no brain... and we happen to have the cleanest windows in the neighborhood". Lucky us!

And lucky is what we thought back in December when Winter felt like Spring, and we were able to wash all the windows in our house both inside and out... all 53 panes of glass, never imagining there'd be consequences for such constructive action.

And it was action on my part that eventually put an end to Brawny Bird's antics. Nothing physical... just a logical plan that shouldn't have worked, but did.

Cats!

Large black and white images of a cat... a cat with intense-looking eyes, lying down, but ready to pounce at any minute were printed and attached to large sheets of cardboard that were then clipped to our bedroom windows.

Thud! Just one thud after encountering a paper cat on one window and Brawny Bird was off! Another day, another single thud. A few more days of thud, thud, thud and eventually all contact with our windows ceased. I can't pinpoint when exactly, but like chronic pain... you ache, and ache, and ache, until one day you suddenly realize the pain is gone.

Bye Bye Brawny Bird.

Hello Brainy Bird.

Source: Koit

And from 'The Week' Magazine, May 27, 2016...

"A mother goose turned to Cincinnati police for help when one of her goslings got tangled up in string. Officer James Givens was sitting in his police cruiser near a city creek when the distraught bird started tapping at the door with its beak.

"It kept pecking," he said. "Normally they don't come near us."

Curious, Givens got out of the car, and the bird led him to a gosling that was tied up in a discarded balloon string. Givens' partner carefully untangled the baby bird, which ran off to rejoin it's happily honking mom"... who proved to be one 'smart' bird.

And shortly before this incident in Cincinnati, curious friends of ours, Joe and Kaylah vacationing in California, emailed asking for the exact location in San Francisco where Michael and I once lived... which opened a can of worms for us as we had long forgotten the address.

But I could picture the place.

Source: Google Street View 2016

And clearly remembered... that it was located on the corner of Leavenworth and Vallejo Streets, that it had been a grocery store, empty for a number of years before we rented it, and once situated, how eager the neighbors were to inform us of the property's notoriety... the place where our landlord's parents had been gunned down for refusing to pay protection money.  Shock City!

Shocked and devastated by the killings, it's no wonder our landlord Tom no longer set foot inside the building until we had it completely revamped to where it looked nothing like the previous place with all its misfortune.

In a way we brought Tom good fortune. Shortly after the property's transformation, it was put on the market and sold for big bucks!

And in flew our new landlord...

Beauty Bird

Source: Vintage Everyday

Beauty bird was a petite woman yet well-endowed. She wore big hair, loads of make-up and eyelashes that practically crossed the street. She was retired, a former Burlesque Queen with traces of having been an eyeful in her day.

And from the floor above we'd hear her practicing to the sound of striptease music.

"Ta Dah, da da... Ta Dah, da da... BOOM Ta Dah... BOOM Ta Dah... da da da."

She was an odd bird in a pleasant sort of way.

Then one day, with lashes 'aflutter', she approached us and said, "Your lease is almost up and I'd love for you to stay. But (short pause) I have to double your rent from 200 dollars to 400 dollars a month."

SQUAWK!

Not only was she a beauty, but a brawny and brainy bird as well.

Unfortunately for us, we were mere students and a rent increase of any amount back in the early '70s meant... Good Bye Nest Egg! Not that we ever had one.

So when our lease was up we 'flew the coop'... east to Pennsylvania.

Where 'birds of a feather flock together', unless one goes rogue and you happen to have sparkling clean windows... which sounds more like the beginning of this post instead of the end.

So here's one final tale of a rare bird and long-time friend.

Arty Bird

Richard Cramer is an artist and professor emeritus at Tyler School of Art, who now lives and works in New York City.

Here is a selection from his series of bird drawings, the originals measuring 30 X 40 inches done with pen and ink on paper.






There's a saying... "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." Until he flies off and starts attacking YOUR windows! Then you'll be looking for that 'stone' from that other saying.

Until 'nest' time and more tales 
from
"Here and Next"

XOX... Dyan


4 comments:

  1. wow, Dyan. Thanks for posting Richard's drawings!!! He is thrilled.

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    1. And I hope many others will be just as thrilled after seeing Richard's great work.

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  2. Sorry I'm so late in viewing this latest blog...life has been busy! You had me laughing out loud at you section about your second landlord in SF. Love your descriptions of her. Loved seeing where you used to live. Did it look like that when you lived there? Did you live upstairs or downstairs? Shocking info about the previous owner!
    I also had to laugh at your situation with the bird hitting your bedroom window and your solution. We had a similar situation with a bird constantly hitting our front living room window. Rob tried a similar tactic by photo copying the bright & busy pattern of some throw pillows and taping them on the window. It met with limited success. This has happened other years too. If it happens again, we'll have to try your solution with a picture of a cat. You certainly were industrious to wash all those windows! No good deed goes unpunished!
    Love stories about positive interactions between animals and humans. I think animals are smarter than people give them credit for.

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    1. Hey Bevo... Good to hear from you!

      Re: Our SF place... We lived on the ground floor: the front was studio space and the rear our living set up. The place was completely open except for a few support columns. Being at street level took some getting used to. Too many times we were jolted out of bed by people congregating and conversing (often in Chinese) directly outside our windows.

      The current photo of the place looks quite similar to how it looked back in the 70's except for the outdoor planters. All our plants (nearly 100 of them) were indoors and got fantastic diffused light since we had frosted the windows for privacy. Unfortunately, that too ended when our second landlord decided to install awnings. UGH! Glad to see the awnings are gone in the current google street view.

      Re: Birds & Windows... I like Rob's decorative solution... putting up patterned images to keep the birds away. Our cat image was life-sized and somewhat mean and must have unsettled those who walked or drove by our place in the morning. Oddly, no one questioned it.

      Glad you liked the mother goose story of humans interacting positively with animals. I'm not sure how positive my interaction would have been with that crazy bird attacking my windows, if he hadn't knocked it off when he did. Sorry.

      Thanks again for your comments! Looking forward to hearing all about your busy life.

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